![]() Not robot squid or robot crab, mind you, but the regular kind. And speaking of the game's enemies, remember Bubble Man's level in Mega Man 2? The one where you fought robot frogs, robot hermit crabs, robot shrimp, and robot lantern fish? Well in Shark Man's level, you fight squid and crabs. This makes it really fucking hard to combat the enemies who come chasing after you while you're trying to explore the level. So if you don't constantly mash down, Mega Man will float to the top of the goddam screen. The only problem is, Mega Man fucking floats. Now I'm willing to give credit where credit it due and that's actually a good idea. But you'll find none of that in the game, because Mega Man can swim. In most of the classic Mega Man games, water-based levels find Mega Man slowly treading along the bottom of the screen, hoping that he doesn't have to jump, because he jumps abnormally high underwater and some asshole has lined the ceiling with spikes. For anyone who doesn't remember, Mega Man is not generally known for his swimming abilities. As you can also see, Mega Man is swimming. As you can see, Shark Man's stage takes place in the ocean. I don't entirely know why, but it's probably because he intrigued me the most back when I was twelve. I've decided to start with Shark Man's level, because I always go after Shark Man first. And while KQ6 was state-of-the-art at the time, it wasn't THAT state-of-the-art Sierra had done almost the exact same thing two years prior with King's Quest V. The same year that Hi-Tech Expressions started selling its Mega Man 3 software on the back cover of Scholastic flyers, Sierra gave us King's Quest VI, the greatest point-and-click adventure game ever made, in all its 256 color VGA glory. But they didn't, and Mega Man 3 was a backwards, anachronistic piece of shit when it came out. So one has to wonder, was EGA really the industry standard when Mega Man 3 came out? The computer industry did experience a massive technology boom in the 1990s, so it's not unreasonable to believe that the computer gaming industry evolved from 16 color games in 1992 to Deus Ex in 2000. And yet, the NES debuted in 1985, seven years before the PC version of Mega Man 3. As a point of comparison, the Nintendo Entertainment System was capable of 48 colors, three times as many as EGA. Tandy computers displayed sixteen colors as well, but they used a custom graphics card. CGA displays graphics in 4 colors, while EGA displays 16 colors. Mega Man 3 has three graphics card options: CGA, EGA, and Tandy. Oh wait, that's EXACTLY what fucking happened. It's almost as if some amateurish game programmer ripped sprites from the stage selection screens of those games and edited them into new bosses. Oh sure, none of them appeared in either of those games, but they still seem vaguely familiar. If you're a big fan of the classic NES games Mega Man 2 and Mega Man 3, you may recognize these worthless douchebags. These are the Robot Masters of the PC version of Mega Man 3: Torch Man, Bit Man, Shark Man, Wave Man, Oil Man, and Blade Man. That's because it's not this is a review of a completely unrelated computer game produced by Hi-Tech Expressions and designed by Rozner Labs under license from Capcom. That, or you've noticed that the Mega Man 3 title screen above doesn't look quite the one you remember from the classic NES game. By now, you're probably about ready to send me a nice long hatemail about how I'm a giant prick with no taste in video games, that I should go kill myself, and that I probably spend all day jacking off while playing World of Warcraft. It's boring and stupid, and if you actually fucking like it, you're fucking boring and stupid too. And while Mega Man 3 is at least slightly better than those games, it's still a disappointing piece of trash that is completely unworthy of the Mega Man name. ![]() Hyde, and an extremely shitty Wii game based on Balls of Fury. Mega Man 3 is easily one of the worst games that I've ever owned, and I've owned such unplayable crap as the Atari 2600 version of Pac-Man, Iron Maiden's Ed Hunter, Bandai's Dr. It's called Mega Man 3, and it is a horrible, horrible game. Today I'm going to be reviewing a game that some of you might have heard of. ![]()
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